Your Leadership Attraction Gap
I’m soooo glad you didn’t give up.
You see a clear vision for your career and success. That is phenomenal!
Yet, like so many overqualified and highly skilled professionals, you have YET to attain the position you so deeply desire for yourself.
I see you. The feelings of inferiority. The side-eye looks from colleagues avoiding you. And above all, your frustration. (#metoo)
I have been there. And I felt embarrassed because everyone knew I didn’t get the job.
I felt devalued!
I gave them my time — away from my family.
My expertise — that produced great outcomes.
I put 110% of my effort into this company…
But they gave the job to someone else. (#metoo)
I watched new people come into the organization and my colleagues leave me behind…and I didn’t know what to do to change it.
What was I to do? What was the solution?
I kept wondering:
- Do I keep spending more time at work away from my family?
- Do I give all my best skills to someone else who they seem to value more than me?
- Do I figure out how to work 8 days a week?
No…..I had to listen more deeply to the feedback that was given to me.
What was the difference between me and the others that got promoted and advanced? Was it their killer personality? Are they more attractive than I am? Is it age, sex, or race? Nope. It wasn’t that at all.
What was the secret to their success? They presented themselves differently.
…And the “powers that be” perceived me differently from those they just promoted.
See, there was a gap.
And no, I’m not talking about racism or sexism or ageism or any of the isms — and I’m a black woman, so I know what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about an attraction gap.
Talent and effort are not enough to move you to the next level. Sounds silly, huh?
I know, but no matter what industry you are in, it’s a people business.
People need to be attracted to you. Your words must draw people in and hook them in the 1st 2–3 sentences.
Otherwise, you’ve lost them, and they are just waiting for it to be over and move on to the next person.
Leadership is the ability to sell yourself without being salesy.
Talk about yourself without being egotistical.
Show up with confidence in your speech without isolating others.
It’s a skill that gets even the most unskilled team member promoted to being YOUR boss.
Here is a simple 20 minute exercise you can do to begin to unlock and understand why this is happening to you.
Once you complete it, send it in to me using the link below and I will give you direct feedback on your gaps.
I’ll get to the specific exercise in a second but I want to show you what’s waiting for you on the other side of the 20 mins you’ll spend doing it.
When one of my clients, Carrie, did this same exercise, she was blown away to realize her own self-sabotage and the negative self-image she had taken on as a result of trying to promote for 3 years. Carrie had done 15…..(you heard that right) 15 interviews! Some she never got called back for, others she made it to the top 3. But for Carrie in her words, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.”
Once we unlocked all that was blocking her advancement, we dove in to help her redefine her leadership presence. She went from being a goofy, quirky white girl that no one took seriously to being a site leader who is able to magnetize audiences of any size to fulfill the mission she’s leading.
She didn’t have to lose her authenticity- in fact, she refined it.
She’s still quirky and she still makes people laugh. But they also take her seriously when that’s what she needs.
So here’s the exercise. Set a timer for 20 minutes (give yourself more time if you need it but not less- it won’t work if you rush):
- List all the thoughts you have about being passed up for advanced positions. This is YOUR list, so write everything you never said out loud.
- List how you feel as you go into new interviews or opportunities (what is your self talk), and
- List the feedback/messaging you have received (or heard around the office) about you.
- Send it to me here using this link, and select “Submit Your Leadership Exercise” at the top right hand corner.
You are on the verge of your breakthrough!
Your epiphany is HERE!
To Your Success,
Brandi
P.S. Join our free Facebook group for weekly leadership practices to help you refine your leadership messaging!
